Jack Rocks

- If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Mayers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
- 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
- Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
- Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a fucking terrorist.
- Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
- Jack Bauer sleeps with a gun under the pillow. But he could kill you with the pillow.
- Jack Bauer has no friends, because as a child when he would play cops and robbers, the robbers would all be interogated and killed.
- Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: "In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world... five seasons in a row." Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!"
- When life hands Jack Bauer Lemons, he kills Terrorists. Jack Bauer fuckin' hates lemonade.
- On Jack Bauers Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependants.
- It took God six days to get His job done; Jack has 24 hours.

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